Just Friends: Thoughts on Being in the Friendzone


No one wants to be in the friend zone.  When you are trying to find that special someone, it seems like the worst thing ever when that relationship slips into the place of being so comfortable and so familiar that a "friend zone" relationship has been established.  I used to think that way.  I think a little differently now. I think Christians especially have the tendency to put too much pressure on relationships.  We get so obsessed with the idea of finding our husband or our wife that we view every guy or girl we come into contact with through that lens.  Could this be the one?  It's unhealthy.  Then as we get to know people, we get all bent out of shape when a friendship is cemented and it seems like the door of opportunity for dating an individual has been closed.

When it comes to the guy I want to spend the rest of my life with, I don't think being friends first is going to be a bad thing.  Being friends with someone allows you to get to know that person beyond a superficial "oh wow you're cute" level.  You get to view that person in their natural environment.  You get to view them as they interact with their peers.  You get to learn what kind of friend they are, which in some ways is a good indicator of what kind of boyfriend or girlfriend they would be.  You get to know what a person values and what they are passionate about.  All of this can allow you to make a more informed decision about whether this person is dating material.  If I am friends with a guy I'm interested in and I realize that we aren't really that compatible, no harm done.  We can still be friends.  If a guy I'm interested in becomes friends with me but doesn't ultimately share the same interest, it's okay!  Better to learn that now, then several months into dating.

When it comes to my dealings with members of the opposite sex, I want to make friends.  I want to get to know people.  I'm done putting unnecessary pressure on things.  Chatting with someone or getting a cup of coffee doesn't mean you have to get married, but it does mean your open to the possibility of friendship, wherever that may lead.  At the end of the day, I choose to place all of my relationships in God's hands trusting Him with the results and thanking Him for each new friend I've made along the way.