Sex is a pretty controversial topic that we tend to shy away from talking about in the church. I don’t think we should. We are really clear that this extracurricular activity is especially reserved for wives and husbands (1 Cor. 7:2). Overall, sex is treated as the forbidden fruit. We know we shouldn’t do it (before marriage) and many times we act as though it shouldn’t even be discussed. But it needs to be discussed. In a world that is saturated in sexual imagery and material, we need to know why we are adhering to a different standard. We have to understand the value and the importance of maintaining purity. Hello people, it’s important.
First, let’s start with a disclaimer. I understand that everyone’s story is different. We live in a real world with real temptations and struggles. Many of you, even many Christians, are probably already sexually active. You may or may not have convictions about this subject. This post is by no means meant to judge you. We all have our battles.
Really, I just want to share my personal point of view. I want to share with the world why a cute 26-year-old like myself is keeping herself to herself. Let’s be clear, I am not an alien. It is comical how people look at you when they find out your a virgin. It’s like a light bulb goes off in their head and they say to themselves, “Oh, I get it! This girl is from Mars.” No, not the case.
I am a Bible-believing Christian, so I do apply Biblical standards to my life. If that were the only reason it would be good enough, but it’s not the only reason.
I like to avoid drama and trauma. Being single for all these years, I have observed alot of successful relationships and non-successful relationships as an outsider. A relationship always changes in dynamic when sex has taken place. A whole new level of closeness is achieved, but not just physically. That person becomes a part of you. They are etched in your mind and in your heart. The strongest bond that can be achieved between a male and a woman is cemented. When two bodies are fused, two souls become fused as well. But that’s what God designed sex for and that’s what makes it so beautiful in marriage. Outside of marriage, it can be devastating.
I have formed emotional bonds with people that have been broken and it is always painful. But I have known many people that have broken off relationships with people they have been sexually intimate with and the pain they experience is brought to a whole new extreme. People feel incomplete and like they are missing a part of themselves. It’s part of the reason why people are willing to stick it out in bad relationships or keep returning to a destructive relationship. I often make fun of Mariah Carey’s song “Always Be My Baby.” The chorus goes like this:
You’ll always be a part of me. I’m part of you indefinitely. Boy don’t you know you can’t escape me. Oh darling, cause you’ll always be my baby.
It sounds romantic until you think about it…what if the relationship is really over? Then it becomes creepy and unhealthy. But that’s what sex creates, the feeling as though someone belongs to you and you belong to them, which again is perfect for a marriage, but dangerous otherwise.
Some will argue that their relationship is so committed and awesome that sex for them is appropriate, because they plan on getting married and staying together forever. For some people maybe it works out that way, but from what I’ve observed, the majority of people who think that way end up broken and hurt at some point down the road, wishing they hadn’t given such a big piece of themselves away.
I believe in marriage. Someday I hope to be married and to have a family. Just because I’m single it doesn’t mean I can’t start taking my marriage seriously now, by making choices that will honor my one day husband. So, I’m saving myself and when I say I’m saving myself it doesn’t mean that I’m willing to do everything but the main event, if you catch my drift. I’m not going to tow the line or get as close to the fire as I can before I get burnt. Nope. I don’t want to compromise my physical or emotional purity and I know that someday I’ll be so glad that I waited for the right person…my husband.
I don’t believe in intimacy without commitment. Before I give anyone my body, and along with that my heart and my soul, I need to know that person is in it for the long haul…in it for life. Marriage is the ultimate commitment that I’m holding out for.
As far as I’m concerned, if you like it then you better put a ring on it.